


I Heard Your Voice

by EarthsSassiestHeroes



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Angst, Coulson Dies, Death, F/M, Feels, Funeral, M/M, Post Avengers (2012)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-13
Updated: 2013-06-13
Packaged: 2017-12-14 20:27:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/841040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EarthsSassiestHeroes/pseuds/EarthsSassiestHeroes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Phil Coulson has a heart attack The Avengers mourn his loss. His husband Clint takes the news the hardest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Heard Your Voice

**Author's Note:**

> Set several years after The Avengers. Warning that this is angsty and sad. I picture Stephen Strange as Joseph Fiennes so if you don't know him google for visual reference. More notes at the end.

When Natasha tells him it’s as if the air from the room has been sucked out. He tries to say no, to deny it. His mouth moves to call her a liar and a bitch. That he can’t be gone. Phil had survived so much. When he looks her dead in the eye, his mouth moving soundlessly he sees a single tear falling down her cheek.

“I’m so sorry Clint. There was nothing any of us could do.” Her words sound as though he is hearing them muffled through a wall. When she moves towards him, reaching in for a hug his body crumples to the floor. In that moment it hits Clint. Phil is gone.

* * *

 

Just as Tony walks in to the living room of his penthouse he smiles seeing Pepper looking out the windows out to the city skyline. She is on the phone which is one of the many constants with her. After what they’ve been through with the attack on New York, Killian, just the sight of her filled him with warmth. Suddenly she drops her phone. It bounces off the floor a light cracking noise echoing through the room. She doesn’t turn to him but his stomach sinks.

“Pep?” His voice barely a whisper.

“Phil Coulson just had a massive heart attack.” She answered quietly turning slowly to Tony. Her eyes welling with tears. “He was...” She pauses for a moment as Tony stares at her with disbelief as horror creeps into his eyes. “He was at S.H.I.E.L.D Headquarters and collapsed during a class.”

“Pep... no... He’s OK though? Agent took a magic spear to the chest!” Tony’s voice hitched.

“He didn’t make it Tony, he’s gone.” Stifling a sob she rushed up to Tony.

* * *

“Thor!” Steve is sobbing.

“I don’t understand this Steven!” He is screaming but staring down at his own fist covered in dust and debris from where he punched the wall a moment before. “The Son of Coul was a proud strong warrior. I do not understand how he can simply collapse. How he can be there and then he can be gone.” Thor’s voice trails off to a whisper. He looks up and meets Steve’s tear streaked face. He sits down an arm chair.

“Thor I...” Steve’s words sputter out of him. “Phil was a man. A normal man. Men and women die every day for no reason. It’s the human condition.” Steve is trying his best to put on a strong face.

“I can not accept this!” Thor bellows. They both just look at one another for a long moment. “Son of Coul was my friend. He was a good man. I can not understand how he can be there and now he is just gone. That he will never fight again. That he will never feel the sun on his face, or have ale or make love or cry or laugh.” Thor’s words are strained and he breaks into sobs.

“I know.” Steve says quietly as he moves forward and leans to Thor placing a soft kiss on his head. “I know.”

* * *

“How is he doing?” Bruce says quietly as he walks in with a tray with tea and some toast on it.

“I’ve never seen him like this Bruce,” Natasha said quietly as she took a cup from the tray. “When we thought Phil was gone after Loki, he went on a bad bender. He drank and fought and screamed and swore and eventually he’d break down and cry himself to sleep. But this,” she makes a sweeping motion towards the hallway to the bedroom. “It’s like someone has him on thorazine. He won’t say a word. Didn’t fight me when I took all the weapons out of the house. He just lays there with that look in his eyes.” Her voice held the tiniest trace of fear in it.

“He will be ok Natasha, he has friends like you. It’s gonna take a while. But he will realize Coulson wouldn’t want this to break him.” His voice was quiet and assured as he gently placed his arm around her. “We are gonna help him through this. It’s ok to be worried, just means you’re human.” Bruce’s voice was void of sarcasm. Natasha sighed and leaned into him, resting her head on his chest.

* * *

 

“I love you,” Clint blurted out. Phil had his back to him, pulling a lasagna out of the oven. “I... uh... I know you have said it already. And I know you said I didn’t need to say it. That you know. But I just... I do love you and I want you to hear it.” Phil turned to him and smiled softly.

“You never cease to amaze me Clint Barton.” He said quietly as he crossed the kitchen and pulled Clint into an embrace. “I love you too.”

“Uh if the two of you are done being adorable Thor and Steve are going to start going full tilt Hunger Games on the bread if we don’t get some food out here.” Tony teased as he peeked his head through the door.

“Fuck you Stark,” Clint smiled as he gave Tony the finger. Once he was gone Clint kissed Phil again. “Why did we think it was a good idea to have the team over for a dinner party again?”

“Cause you know I secretly thrive off domesticity and you love me too much to say no?” Phil smiled as he moved to bring the lasagna out to their guests. He turned before leaving the kitchen to face Clint mouthing I love you. Clint flushed slightly a grin stretched across his face before he mouthed I love you, back.

* * *

 

“Phil Coulson was the bravest soldier I have ever had the privilege to fight along side. He was the best Agent I have ever worked with. But most importantly, he was a good man.” Nick Fury’s voice solemn as he spoke. “In all my years I don’t think I ever saw him more concerned than when he came into my office to ask for Clint’s hand. I laughed and said he should be asking Romanoff. It isn’t often people like us can find something like he found. When you do what we do you try and fool yourself that you get used to this. That when you get one of those calls that it doesn’t knock the wind out of you. That you don’t feel a little piece of your soul torn away. Phil understood that it never got easier. But he would take solace in the fact that we had lead lives worth living. Phil Coulson helped save the world on more than one occasion. He saw a world of darkness and pain and chose to see hope and light. I think I speak for everyone here when I say that the world is a little lesser without him in it.” Nick stepped down from the podium. They assumed the reverend would continue with the service when Clint stood suddenly, and made his way to the podium. Everyone stared silently. Clint hadn’t said anything for in the 3 days since getting the news.

“The first time I saw Phil Coulson my heart skipped a beat.” His voice was quiet and stripped of his usual bravado. “I thought to myself ‘Barton that man is perfect. And he’d never want a guy like you in a million years.’ He would tell me years later that if I had of stopped being so hard on myself I would have noticed him staring. I remember the day I fell in love with him. It was in a small town in New Mexico. After what we thought was a roided out physicist had torn through an embarrassing number of our agents, he showed up at my motel door with take out and beer. I drank just enough that I let my guard down. We got to talking and..” Clint looked down and took a deep breath, a tear falling across his cheek. “I told him about the night my parents died. How I felt helpless. And years later when Barney ran off. The beatings I took in the circus. He just looked at me with this genuine concern. And even though I would have denied it under torture, I knew deep down that I loved him.” Clint paused to wipe a tear from his face with the heel of his hand.

“When he walked into that conference room after New York, a little worse for wear but very much alive, I kissed him full on the mouth. I’ll never forget that moment. Or the look on Hill’s face when I realized what I’d done.

“When he asked me to marry him I was convinced he was joking. He told me afterwards that he was worried I would have bolted the moment the words left his mouth. I still remember our vows. The way my heart sang  at the way he teared up when I said I do. I loved him the way I’ve never loved anyone. I feel hollow and empty without him. I know he would want me not to be sad. He said the thing that hurt him most was seeing me cry. I miss you so much Phil.” His words quiet as he looks up at the ceiling. Natasha is beside him in less than a moment and walking him back to his seat.

* * *

Stephen Strange was acutely aware that someone was lurking in the darkness of his study. “I should think an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D would know better than try and sneak up on me.” His voice was calm and pointed.

“I’m not here for anything to do with S.H.I.E.L.D Doctor.” Clint’s voice quiet as he stepped out into the evening light.

“I know why you are here Agent Barton.” He replied calmly.

“Of course you do,” Clint snarked. “So?”

“Can I offer you a beverage before we begin?” Dr. Strange asked dryly.

“No. I just... Can we please just get to it,” Clint’s voice loosing it’s sarcastic tone.

“Of course.” At Stephen’s words, the candles in the room lit all at once. Clint jumped and looked around the room in shock.

“So you are legit?” Clint asked knowing the question was redundant. He’d found the file laying out where Fury knew he would find it. Strange was considered the most powerful sorcerer in the world. If anyone could help him it was Doctor Strange.

“Please have a seat.” Stephen gestured to a set of high back chairs facing one another. They sat opposite one another.

“Don’t you need, I dunno a crystal ball or something?” Clint asked in a genuine tone that made Stephen smirk slightly.

“Hardly. If you’ll give me your hands.” He asked as he reached forward. They touched and a moment later Clint was blinking back at bright daylight. He wasn’t in Strange’s study anymore. Looking around he recognized Central Park. It was empty, the only sound the soft trickle of water. Clint looked up at the face of the angel statue when he heard a voice.

“Clint?” The words made his heart sing and his stomach drop all at once.

“Phil?” Clint turned and saw standing several feet off was Phil. He was wearing a smart grey suit. As Clint rushed towards him he felt a pang as he realized it was the suit Phil had been wearing the last time he had seen him alive. He felt himself starting to cry softly.

“Clint baby, I need you to hold it together.” Phil’s hand on his face brushing away the tears with his thumbs.

“I miss you so much Phil,”

“I know.” Phil’s lips soft against his. “We don’t have much time. I’m so sorry.”

“I just I...” Clint paused moving his hand to the back of Phil’s neck. “I never got to say goodbye. Never got to tell you I loved you one last time.”

“I know Clint it’s ok. None of that matters now.” Phil was smiling softly. “I was always so proud of you. You save the world and you chose me!” Clint smiled in spite of his tears. “Listen Clint. I want you to know I’m OK. I don’t want you to spend your days being sad. You gave me the happiest years of my life. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy.”

“But how can I be happy?” Clint’s words pained as he rested his hand gently on Phil’s chest.

“It’s gonna take time, but I want you to promise me you’ll stop shutting the others out. Natasha and the others all love you. They will be there for you if you let them.” Clint nodded. “And remember the hardest thing in this world is living in it.”

“You are such a nerd Philip Coulson!” Clint laughed despite the tears in his eyes. “Only you would quote Buffy The Vampire Slayer from beyond the grave!”

“She had a good point though,” Phil smiled. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to Clint’s lips. “I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too,” Clint whispered tears running down his face as he saw colors through his eyelids. As the light faded he woke up back in Dr. Strange’s study.

“Thank you,” Clint said quietly.

**Author's Note:**

> Partially inspired by the episode of Buffy titled The Body. Also inspired by Only If For A Night by Florence + The Machine. I hope everyone enjoys this even though it's not beta-ed and pretty much the saddest thing I've ever written.


End file.
